iSee Sam's Diary
by zazeendot
Summary: When Sam drops her diary and Freddie finds it and reads it, will he get to know the real Sam...the one that likes him? And will he find himself, and love, along the way?  T just in case.  Seddie 3
1. iHave Sam's Secrets In My Hands

**JUSTUFF: Hey, everyone!**

**Back with an all-new story, iSee Sam's Diary. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not claim anything besides this story because I'm not supposed to and I could get my pants sued off. Ha ha.**

Sam's POV

It was another rainy Friday in Seattle. I had just come back from school. The day actually wasn't half-bad. The stuff they taught I found myself engrossed in. I didn't really know why, it was basically the same useless stuff, like every other normal school day.

Maybe it was because today, Freddie, the guy I was falling in love with, asked me for help in the morning before class had started..._me. _With a personal problem. It made my heart swell up with joy just thinking about it. I couldn't stop smiling all day. It was about his dad, and how his dad died in the military. I could relate because I lost my dad when he and my mom divorced. I tried to think of the best advice, and what helped me through the pain of not having a father figure in my life. Sure, my mom had dated and even eloped (when she was drunk) many guys, but I'd never, you know, had a real father figure.

Well, during first period, I wrote in my diary like CRAZY.

See, I always brought my diary with me to school, just in case something happened. I didn't want to wait until I got home, because the emotion would've passed away. But not this time. This feeling of Freddie asking for MY help wouldn't fade away any day soon.

Yeah, DAY.

Anyways, yeah, I brought my diary to school. But when I got home, I was still itching to write about Freddie...so I unzipped my backpack, and searched through all the unorganized papers and such...

I looked farther, deeper, started tossing things out of it like crazy. I started to get worried. I would've found it by now.

I left my diary at school! It had all of my secrets in there! Who knew who could be reading it! All I had left was the key!

If someone found a way to pick away that cheap metal lock, which was a HUGE possibility, my life was so over.

Freddie's POV

I never meant to find Sam's diary.

I really didn't.

Since she sits in front of me first period, I saw it drop from her backpack. As soon as I realized what it was, I tried giving it back, but she was so excited about something, that it made her faster, in a way, and I wasn't able to catch up with her.

So I kept it.

And I could've given it to her at lunch. But I was curious, and the curiosity grew with every minute that passed that day.

Ever since I met Sam, I knew that the tough girl act was a hide-away. What was she hiding? What were her secrets? It was wrong to keep it, and trust me, I know that. But I guess I just couldn't help myself...

Who was the real Sam?

As soon as I got home, I tried unlocking the lock. It wasn't hard. The "metal" should be called plastic. One simple turn of the hairpin I got from my mom's bathroom, and it was opened.

The first page of it read, "Sam's. Touch and die. Don't touch, still contain a pulse."

I rolled my eyes and smiled.

The second page was from about 2 months ago. It seemed she hadn't been doing this long. Something big must've happened to her that made her want to start a diary, but what?

I read the second page. It said:

**TO BE CONTINUED!**

**Ooh, cliffhanger! What will happen?**

**~Zazeendot**

**Oh, my gravy, I almost forgot the saying of the chapter!**

**SAYING OF THE CHAPTER: The luck of the British.**

**Bye!**

**P.S. ReViEw! And MAKE ME SMILE!**

**C'mon, you know you LOVE my smiles :)**

**:) (just to persuade you a little more...ha ha!)**


	2. iRead Page 2

**JUSTUFF: HEY GUYS!**

**A lot of people have already gotten interested in iSee Sam's Diary, and I didn't want to leave you on a cliffhanger for too long, so here's the second part to it!**

**Disclaimer: You suck. You just reminded me that I do not own iCarly. **

Freddie's POV

_Dear Diary:_

_Um, I've never really had one of these before, so I'm just going to, uh, sort of make up what I write in this as I go along._

_Well, first off, I'm Samantha, but everyone calls me Sam. Everyone thinks it's because I hate my full name, but the truth is that my dad always used to call me Samantha, and ever since my dad left, it's been painful to hear it._

_Anyways, back to the topic, I love any kind of meat, really, and have the greatest best friend, Carly. Sometimes, though, I feel like I'm living in her shadow. Diary, she's so perfect…good girl, good grades, always getting guys, pretty…I'm just the sidekick. It's no mystery that people see it like that. _

_Even in the eyes of a guy that I really like. The funny part: I really hope, even if it hurts me, that guy I like and Carly date, mostly because he deserves Carly, and Carly deserves him. They deserve each other. They're both such good people, and I'm not. I'm so grateful and lucky to have met both of them._

_Sorry about not telling you his name, it's just…I'd rather keep who it is a secret, even from you. It's embarrassing. Not for other girls, but for me…yeah. Big time. _

_Well, so long for now, _

_Sam_

_P.S. Wow, you're good. First day, and you already got a lot out of me._

_P.P.S. I have a feeling we'll be really great friends._

I just sat on my bed, completely shocked.

Sam liked somebody, and I didn't even notice? I thought. What a good friend I am!

I paused in my mind. Carly didn't notice? Apparently not. She would've told me if she did.

Carly, I knew, wasn't one to keep things to herself, especially if it involves Sam and romance.

Suddenly, I thought that maybe there'd be more description of the guy on the next page, and I could figure out who it was…

I was about to turn the page, when I remembered I had told Carly that I was going to add a new thing to the iCarly website today, during rehearsal…uh oh.

I looked up at the clock. iCarly rehearsal started 18 minutes ago.

I closed Sam's diary, leaving it, the lock that was detached from it, and my mom's hairpin all on my bedside table. Then I opened my front door, opened Carly's door, and rushed upstairs.

When I got up to the iCarly studio, Sam and Carly were talking over ideas.

"OK, what about instead of a pickle, we use a banana?" Carly suggested.

"No!" Sam exclaimed. "Strawberries and bananas…common combination. We need something new. Pickles are the way to go."

"OK, whatever. The Soup TV Show parody bit will include the liquid mixture of strawberries and pickles."

"Cool." Sam responded.

"Oh, hey, Freddie," Carly said, just noticing me on my computer over by my tech-cart.

"Hey." I replied, trying to be engrossed in what I was doing instead of thinking about reading more of Sam's diary.

A horrible thought, I know, but…one page, and there was already so much I didn't know about Sam. I'm near her all the time…it was like I was blind to who Sam really was, like a stranger would be.

I wondered if Carly was as unknowing as I was about everything I had read in Sam's diary so far. She was clueless about the crush thing, yeah…

But did she know Sam felt second best to her? That Sam liked being called Sam because it actually hurt her to be called Samantha?

"Why are you so late? You're never this late." Carly said, calmly. She chuckled slightly. "You got here later than Sam. Sam got here only ten minutes late this time."

Carly wasn't mad, since it was just a rehearsal, and we all had pretty much everything figured out and done earlier than usual (except for the Soup parody bit, and what two foods/things we should mix together…but apparently that debate was now solved).

Still it was wrong to be late, in my opinion.

"Yeah…something held me up. Sorry." I apologized sincerely, still trying hard to focus on iCarly instead of that little, tiny diary that I had practically stolen.

"Hey, it happens." Carly said.

After a couple of more minutes, I told them that he was done. They checked out my change to the website, and both Sam and Carly loved it.

"Oh my God, best change ever!" Carly exclaimed, staring at the change still.

"It looks like a totally different website!" Sam eagerly said, coming back with a can of WaHoo punch that was still cold from being in Carly's fridge. "I love it!"

I thought that this was my chance. This could be the time when I could talk to her about this guy. I was about to speak, and say something like, "You love it? Do you love something else as well? Hmmm?"

But if I did, she'd know I'd taken her diary and seen it.

Instead, I didn't say anything, and I kept thinking about how she'd written that she felt like she was living in Carly's shadow. I wondered how she could ever think that. She was so much more than she gave herself credit for. Beautiful, funny, not afraid to speak her mind…

When I realized what I was thinking, I looked away, and for the rest of the time I was over at the Shay apartment, I tried to get my mind off of Sam.

It scared me a little when I realized just how hard it was.

**Hey, hey, hey!**

**Long chapter this time!**

**So, I hope you guys enjoyed what's going on so far. Show me if you do by reviewing!**

**SAYING OF THE CHAPTER: Diaries should really have better locks…**

**;)**

**Love you guys,**

**Zazeendot/Celene**

**P.S. New chapter of iDo Not Remember is coming soon!**


	3. Author's Note

**Author's Note:**

**I just wanted to tell everyone who read my previous chapter so far, that I am so sorry that I put the ending of the story at the end of the chapter. It was an idea for an ending that i had come up with, and it accidentally made it's way on to my posting. I PROMISE I will change the ending of the story, and it will be ten times better!  
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**I am so stupid and am totally embarrassed!**

**Utterly sorry,**

**~Zazeendot**


	4. iAm Blamed

**JUSTUFF: Hey, everyone! Zazeendot here. **

**And it's August 20****th****, so that means that the new chapter (with the surprise) is HERE! It's also kind of long!**

**Oh, and did everyone like iLost My Mind? I did! Loved the ending, of course!**

**So, anyways, before you go on to the chapter, iAm Blamed, I would like to state that this chapter is dedicated to one of our very own, Kioshi! **

**(ROUND OF APPLAUSE)**

**PLEASE ENJOY!**

**Disclaimer: I am not Dan. I am not even remotely related to him. So, no, as much as I WISH I owned iCarly, I do not. Thanks for bringing it up. Thought we were friends.**

Sam's POV

After Freddie left, Carly asked me if I wanted to sleep over. I honestly would've said no if it weren't for me being super tired for not getting my hour of sleep in History today. Why? Because I was still really shaken up about my diary, even though I did a pretty good job of acting like nothing was wrong, if I do say so myself.

I put the real me in my diary. Not Sam, the violent girl with absolutely no emotions, but Sam, the girl who's just trying to find the best way to live, who hides her feelings.

No one knew about me, and no one was supposed to find out.

But I guess someone did.

_Well,_ I tried to reason, _maybe no one found it, maybe no one had any interest in reading it._

But soon I realized that possibility was probably as low as me becoming a vegetarian. It was totally out in the open, there were a lot of periods after I had taken out my diary, and there were a lot of kids at our school.

Plus, I had a feeling, a strong feeling, maybe as strong as my feelings for Freddie, that someone had it, was out there reading it, learning my secrets.

I blamed all of this on Freddie. Not only because blaming him was habit. But because if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have taken out my diary and it wouldn't have fell and someone wouldn't probably be reading it right now, destroying everything I've built up for people to think.

I sighed, knowing I had no one to blame but myself. No matter how much I'd try to hide it, I'd always know it was my fault.

I sighed again, deeper, more sadness being poured out. A lot of people hated me for my violence. I just hope that whoever had it wasn't planning on exposing my secrets or using them against me. Sure, I hurt people, mentally and physically, but…

I looked down at the ground in shame. Did I even have a reason why they shouldn't?

Carly's snoring crept into my ears, eliminating my diary thoughts completely.

Thank God.

I rolled on to my side to look at the moon through her bedroom window, and prayed and hoped that I could just go back in time, and keep an eye on my diary, that little diary.

Because I knew it was the only way to fix this.

I knew it was useless…I never believed in dreams and wishes actually coming true. But what _else_ did have to lose?

I turned on my back once more, looked up at Carly's ceiling, and curled up in the blanket Carly had given to me to use for the night.

As the lava lamp twinkled along the dark, dim walls, it helped lullaby me to sleep. And I was soon creating my own soft snoring into the blanket covering my mouth.

Freddie's POV

I did my nightly routine before I settled into my bed and read page number 3 in Sam's diary.

It read:

_Hey, Diary._

_I got an A on my English exam. I was practically jumping with delight, for the tutoring sessions with Mark have really been paying off!_

_See, over the past month, I've been spending about 1 ½ hours on Mondays-Wednesdays at this place called Low Learners to try to become smart. _

_I want to because I want to prove to myself that I can be just as good as Carly. I know, I know, she's my best friend. I shouldn't feel competitive with her. But I do. And I can't help that._

_And maybe I'm also having the drive to do Low Learners because I know that HE (the guy I like) would like a smart girl._

_And kill me if it feels nice having the thought cross my mind that he would like me for that._

_Not that I'd let HIM or anybody else know. If anyone did, they'd know something was up. So, I've been making all the A's and B's I've been recently getting to look like D's and F's, and Carly and Freddie think I'm at detention every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday after school, not Low Learners. _

_And something else unordinary happened today, so get ready to have even more ink splattered all over your face. _

_When the bell for first period rang, I closed my messy (but awesomely-decorated) locker and headed to the left. When I was almost to Mrs. Hendrick's, I realized that I forgot my book. I slapped myself on the forehead, knowing I wouldn't make it to her class in time, as I headed back. _

_Well, when I headed back I stopped as I saw HIM sitting on the bench. I hid behind some lockers so he wouldn't see me. _

_BRING! There went the tardy bell. But I barely heard it, because a question rang so loudly in my mind. That question being…_

_What the heck was HE doing here? _

_I mean, he is the type of guy who'd actually want to get to class on time. I looked at him, as he just sat there, looking at his shoes. His face was the picture of mental, brutal pain._

_And just by looking at him, I started to have some too._

_We stayed frozen in those two spots, as if someone had frozen time. But, apparently, it didn't, because after a period of sadness and silence, he looked up and in my direction. I slammed myself into the lockers as quietly as I could, and, after a few seconds, I peeked around the edge of the lockers. _

_Phew! He didn't see me. I looked up at the clock. Ten minutes after the tardy bell had rung. I finally decided I should get the heck out of there._

_Thank God he didn't see me staring at him or I'd have a lot of explaining to do. I mean, after ten straight minutes of looking at him, you would've thought he'd notice._

_Heck, you would've thought we'd both notice since ten minutes passed by! With us. Just…remaining there._

_As I sat in second period, I was still glad and really relieved that I had been practically invisible to him, like how I am when I stand next to Carly._

_I was also glad that I stopped myself and hadn't bombarded him with "Why are you so sad?"'s (like everyone always seems to do) and had just left him alone. _

_After all, we all have secrets. You should know all about that ;)._

_Yours, _

_Sam_

_P.S. Mom got a new, red, tight dress today. Oh, great. Looks like she's going to get drunk and I'll have a new, accidental legal dad. Again._

_I wish my dad could come back and make Mom come back. You know: my REAL mom. _

_The one who was happy and confident and not the least bit desperate to try to find true love again._

I was speechless…but I wasn't thoughtless.

How did she deal with all of it alone?

I mean, she had a lot to go through, but yet, she flashed the biggest "it's OK," smile.

How could Sam hide the real her?

The REAL her, the REAL Sam that is so amazingly different, and sees things in a so amazingly different way.

I was happy that she hadn't bothered that guy. I remember when I was sitting there like that poor person, sad with intent, thoughtful eyes.

Anyways, thoughts about everything I had read were making themselves comfortable and at-home in my head all night, forcing me to get less than a blink of sleep the entire night.

By the time it was the morning of the next day, I was absolutely exhausted, and could barely get myself up out of my comfy, Galaxy Wars-decorated bed. But somehow I did, and after a couple of slaps on the face, I was able to wake up enough to do the normal morning routine.

I got to school, knowing I didn't look my best, and during the rest of the day, I had to make sure I didn't fall asleep.

Which wasn't too hard, considering I saw Sam _a lot _and couldn't help but try to match the two Sams (the nice one and the cover-up one) together, make them come in unison.

When I got home, I did all my homework, and I caught a glance of the diary placed on my bedside stand.

_Should I? Should I?_

_Did I really want to know more?_

This was starting to feel very wrong and despicable.

I mean, Sam was LIVING this, this pain…did I really want to know how much pain there was? How much more she had to go through alone?

I'm a really curious person, so I had really had to think about it. I was going to, but when my hand touched that diary, I just sighed and stared at it, picking it up. I knew I couldn't. I knew I'd have to give it back to her, I mean, no matter how many wedgies I'd get, I knew it was the right thing to do…

And I also knew that it was visible when Carly barged in.

Oh, no.

"What you reading?" She questioned, bouncing over to where I was.

I stuttered, "U-um, no-no-nothing. Nada." I flashed her a really fake smile, and she began to look suspicious.

_Well, this isn't good,_ I couldn't help thinking.

"Freddie, what are you reading?" Her smile was now a frown and her tone was way more serious.

She wrestled me for the book, and eventually won. She started looking over the first page. After she was one sentence in, she looked up at me, surprise written all across her face.

Carly's POV

"Oh, My God, is this Sam's diary?" I questioned loudly. I was so in shock. Freddie wasn't the type of guy to do this.

But yet here was Sam's diary, right in the palm of my hand. I felt so disappointed in him. Freddie, dear old sweet Freddie…at risk of sounding cliché here, how COULD he?

"Uh, no, it's, um…"

"Sam's diary!" I declared, staring at him straight in the eye with my hardest of eyes. "I can't believe this! I'm giving it back to her right now, and you better BELIEVE I'm telling her who took it!"

I ran to the elevator and got in one before Freddie could even get to me and give me an excuse as to why he was reading his Sam's diary.

As if I needed an explanation. Hello, Sam's his enemy…he was looking for something to sabotage her!

As the automatic doors opened, I took a step forward, bumping into someone, dropping the diary...

The person I bumped into just happened to be the exact girl I was looking for.

"Sam! Hey!" I exclaimed, trying to be cheery.

"Hey! I was just on my way to your apartment right now." She stated, bending down to pick up her cell phone that she had dropped during the bump.

"Yeah, listen, Sam, I have to tell you something..." I drifted, waiting for her to respond.

Sam tensed, but didn't say anything. Not a word. So, I continued.

"Um, I sort of found your diary, in none other than the hands of-" I was going to make the big reveal, when suddenly, she spoke.

"You," she interrupted, as she pointed to the book that had fallen from my grasp, that was now lying helplessly on the floor. She looked betrayed, hurt and angry.

I gave her a shocked expression. "What? No! Sam, I would never-"

"How much did you read? Why did you read it?" She interrupted again, with a little more anger than betrayal and hurt than before.

"Sam, I never read your diary!" I shot back, using the same force of anger. "I'd never do that to you! I'm your best friend, how could you even THINK that?"

"You had it in your hands!" She exclaimed. There came a tensed silence between us.

Because, well, what could I say to that? Even though I was angry, I didn't have proof. It was true. The little book was in my hands.

I stood there, starting to fill with anger. Because even though it looked really suspicious, I was her best friend. Had been since, like, forever. And she doesn't even trust me? She doesn't even believe me?

When I tried to tell her that Freddie was reading it, she just shook her head. There was no way she was going to let me talk to her long enough for me to be able to tell her what happened and who's the suspect. And even if she did, I knew her all too well. She wouldn't believe me. Even if I got Freddie to admit it. She'd probably just think that I batted my 'lashes and got him to lie and take the blame _for_ me.

She walked out of Bushwell Plaza, clearly upset. I was going to follow her when I stepped on something.

Looks like she got so upset that she forgot to even take her diary. I was going to follow her and give it back, out of impulse, but then a thought came to my head.

She thinks I'd read it even though I'm her best friend? Alright, fine, I'll be a Freddie…

And do just that.

**Uh oh! Carly's got a little vengeful side to her, huh?  
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**So, hope you enjoyed the twist, and the plot will only get better from here! **

**I just thought of it out of nowhere when I decided that I needed one good twist for this story, and iAm Blamed is the effect of that decision! **

**I am excited for this new ending, and I just have a feeling that you guys are going to like it better than the leaked ending, so I guess it wasn't a TOTAL disaster accidentally putting the ending to the entire story in the last chapter, huh? Ha ha! **

**Anyways, I hope you liked the beginning part a lot as well. I really wanted to show who Sam really is, and how her diary was more of a hide-away for her.  
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**Also, NO DATES FOR ANY OF HER DIARY ENTRIES. Sorry, guys, but I just didn't really know how to determine the dates!**

**SAYING OF THE CHAPTER: Oh, sure, blame the best friend, and not the butler!**

**Review nicely please, positive or negative. I'd honestly like to hear your feedback on iAm Blamed!**

**Proudly Signed,**

**~Zazeendot/Celene**

**P.S. I know, I know! I REALLY need to update iDo Not Remember! I will soon, I promise!  
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